Sunday, August 3, 2008

Money Changes Everything

I often wonder what sort of rich guy I'd make. Understand that when I say "rich," I don't mean well-off or comfortable, I'm talking diving in Scrooge McDuck money tanks rich.

Would I be an Elvis kind of rich guy, where I'd have a gang of hangers-on indulging my every whim while I shoot out TVs and pass the days in a self-medicated haze? Would I be a Howard Hughes rich guy where I hermited myself away from the germs of the common people while I grew my beard to ZZ Top lengths? These are the sorts of questions that keep me up at night.

Sure, there's the Bill Gates/Andrew Carnegie model, where I donate tons of my riches to charity, but where's the fun in that? I guess it does give you a pretty good bargaining chip at the pearly gates - "See, I could have been shooting out teevees but instead I established libraries and helped AIDS patients, so you really ought to cut me some slack on some of that other stuff."

Of course, this is all just a daydream, as I'm barely a hundredaire after paying the monthly bills.

1 comment:

Keith said...

I'd be fairly decadent and self indulgent, but I'd also fly all my friends around to hang out in my various manors and estates. Also, I'm damn sure wearing a tophat and monocle.

I'd also finally have the money to open my strip club for nerds, where the dancers all dress like famous scifi and fantasy characters and the tables all featured networked video games. And the stage is framed by the outline of a giant computer monitor, so if youa re nervous around real women, you can still pretend like you are downloading internet porn.