The Wife Ain't Buyin' It

"Did that bathtub refinisher ever show up?"

"She just left. Actually, she looked sort of like Angelina Jolie."

"Really? So how long does that stuff have to set before we can take a shower?"

"Kind of strange - she wore a bikini. I thought it was a little unprofessional, but I guess you get a lot of water splashed on you and all."

"Uh-huh. So when can I take a -"

"She also had me take my shirt off to measure water displacement. Very scientific. She also said with my facial structure I should really think of growing a little mustache."

"Uh-huh. Did she happen to mention when can I take a shower?"

"Well, by that point there wasn't a lot of talking going on, if you know what I mean."

"Just tell me when we can use the shower."

"24 hours. But she did sort of look like Angelina Jolie."

"Really?"

"Well...she had dark hair."

"Yeah, I think this call is breaking up."

"What? I don't hear anything. Hello? Hello?"

Mustache Rides!

I had a little puddin' ring goatee for about a month. One morning I looked in the mirror and saw a redneck Burger King assistant manager looking back at me, and realized it had to go. But not before some mustache sculpting!

Look One:


Yeah, I got some drugs. How bad you want 'em?

As you can see in this first photo, I tried to keep up what my idea of a sexy face throughout. Jesus, that seems to look better in my imagination than in real life. I'm sorry, ladies.

Look Two:


This was supposed to be my Tom Selleck/Burt Reynolds look. By this point my wife had stopped taking pictures.

Look Three:



The Shemp-like hairstyle really adds to this one. Although the "I've just had a stroke" sexy face is what keeps 'em coming back.

Look Four:



I've always wanted the Prince/Little Richard/Vincent Price/John Waters little bitty mustache, but I don't think this really works. As stated earlier, my wife stopped taking pictures after look one. I could tell that she was getting jealous of all the ladies that were going to throw themselves at me. As an understanding husband, I realize it is better to shave it off completely than to have to put up with all the affairs I'd have to undertake. So I let her win this one.