About a month ago I'm sitting at a stoplight when a car starts pumping the bass behind me.
"Goddammit," I think. "I can't even listen to my Dadrock* in my own damn car."
Then I realize they're blasting out "La De Da Di" by Doug E. Fresh like it was 1985.
Coincidentally that same week some friends and I were discussing the awesomeness of early '80s electro funk. You know, that synthesizer-heavy early hip-hop that would get everyone on the floor at the skating rink. Think of "Rockit" or "Freakazoid." Or better yet, think of Jonzun Crew. Check 'em out.
You know you're getting some bad jams when the band includes an outer space dandy.
Deducing I had somehow slipped through a hole in time to the mid '80s, I rushed home and fired up MTV hoping I'd catch the video for "Somebody's Watching Me," "19" or perhaps the latest Billy Squier jam. After that I figured I'd go through my high school revenge list and settle some scores. That's right, 17 and 18 year olds. You don't look so tough now that I'm in my thirties. After that I'd make sure I passed algebra the first time, ensuring a future full of big money, and then bet on a few Superbowls just to make sure.
Oh yeah, and I'd totally kill Hitler, too.
Sadly, after watching a bunch of people I'd never heard of show off their houses and cars I realized that I had not, in fact gone back in time and would have to make the best of things here in the present. Hitler didn't know how close he came.
* Dadrock in question was a best of ZZ Top CD I took home from work. "Just Got Paid?" "I'm Bad, I'm Nationwide?" While handicapped by the absence of outer space dandies, those are some bad jams indeed. For more information on this topic, wait for my hard-hitting 'more music news from 1975' post.